Tag: Featured

The Most Missed Signs That a Child Has Been Sexually Abused

In the United States, government authorities respond to a child sexual abuse report every 9 minutes. Recognizing the signs of abuse is the first step in protecting a child who’s in danger. Unfortunately, the signs aren’t always apparent.

Ninety-three percent (93%) of child sexual assault victims already know their abuser. Sexual predators are usually close to the family and in positions of trust, which means that parents and caregivers already have their guards down. It’s hard to fathom that someone in your inner-circle could be capable of violating a child.

Six child sex abuse signs that can be easily missed:

#1. The grooming stage.

One thing abusers have in common is their effort to gain trust.

Those efforts may include: gift giving without occasion or reason, allowing the child to witness them giving elaborate gifts to others (attempt to impress), taking the child out to eat, movies, being overly complimentary to the parent and/or child, extra time with one-on-one tutoring or coaching (alone time) trips out of town, and more.

Single moms beware! Initially you may be flattered that this person has taken a special interest in your child, but in reality the abuser sees you and your child as an easy target.

Keep your eye out for the grooming stage!

#2. Common misconceptions.

At least 1 in 6 men have experienced sexual abuse or assault, whether in childhood or as adults.  Don’t be blindsided!

Research on male childhood sexual abuse concluded that the problem is common, under-reported, under-recognized, and under-treated.

Parents, we must remain as diligent with protecting our sons as we are with protecting our daughters.

MYTH: Men who abuse boys are gay. FALSE.

Studies suggest that men who have sexually abused a boy most often identify as heterosexual and often are involved in adult heterosexual relationships at the time of abusive interaction. 

#3. Bedwetting or resuming behaviors they have grown out of.

Resuming behaviors of a younger child such as thumb sucking or wetting the bed are red-flags.

If you have a pre-teen or teenager, don’t dismiss bedwetting as just an isolated incidence. Pay attention!

#4. Unexplained bruising or spots on the sheets.

When children play outside and are involved in sports, a little blood here and there may not be cause for alarm. If you have boys, cuts and bruises are the norm and won’t even warrant a second look.

But, as we now know, any unexplained stains on the sheets or clothing is worth a mini-investigation.

#5. Sexual behavior that is inappropriate for the child’s age.

Other warning signs include; excessive talk about or knowledge of sexual topics, asking other children to behave sexually or play sexual games.

A toddler masturbating or mimicking adult-like sexual behaviors with stuffed animals, toys or other objects is a strong sign of sexual abuse.

#6. Typical pedophilia behavior: Tries to be a child’s friend rather than filling an adult role in the child’s life.

– Abusers are often in a positions which give them access to children (i.e. church, coaching, mentoring) either as a career or volunteer.

– The abuser may often talk with children about their personal problems and relationships.

– They may vocalize how much they “love kids” and have several relationships with children outside the scope of their professional realm.

Typical Signs in adolescents:

  • Self-injury (cutting, burning)
  • Inadequate personal hygiene
  • Drug and alcohol abuse
  • Sexual promiscuity
  • Running away from home
  • Depression, anxiety
  • Suicide attempts
  • Fear of intimacy or closeness
  • Compulsive eating or dieting

Violations of trust are betrayals that have lasting effects. Parents, this is a matter of life or death, you can’t be too cautious. Remember, you are not alone. If you suspect sexual abuse you can talk to someone who is trained to help.

National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) or chat online at online.rainn.org.

Online Prevention Training- https://www.stopitnow.org/prevention-training-on-demand

References: Rainn.org, Stopitnow.org, 1in6- https://1in6.org/get-information/the-1-in-6-statistic/

The Best Thing You Can Do To Help a Depressed Friend

Whenever your friend explains what has happened or how they feel, you don’t need to always follow-up with a story of your own.

Knowing the right thing to say to a friend who’s in a dark place can be challenging. We want to help but may be afraid to say the wrong thing.

Whether your friend is suffering from depression, anxiety or abuse, the single most important thing you can do is, make yourself available.

Research confirms that just reaching out is critical.

Here are five ways to help, with no strings attached.

1. Keep checking in.

Reach out via text or phone call, and do it more than once. Make sure your words are nonjudgmental.

Choose what you say wisely especially when texting. Using a ton of smiley face emojis won’t help them feel better. It could actually do the opposite, making the person feel that you’re minimizing what they’re going through.

2. Meet them where they are.

Meet them where they are, as-in don’t pressure them to “get out”, or do anything else they’re not quite ready to do.

Allow them some space to direct the conversation and discover their own coping skills.

3. Remind them of things that make them happy.

Bringing up memories that you think are funny may not be a good idea; be certain that the memory is equally happy for them.

Be patient and kind, hopefully the conversation will help get them back to a somewhat positive head-space.

4. It’s not about you.

Whenever your friend explains what has happened or how they feel, you don’t need to always follow-up with a story of your own.

It may be tempting to share similar experiences in an effort to prove how much you can relate to their pain. But talking too much about yourself can be counter intuitive.

5. Don’t just say you’re available, prove it.

Continue to reach out even if they don’t respond at first.

Never just say, “Let me know if you need anything” or “I’m here if you need me“. You don’t want to make your friend feel that they’re bothering you.

Individuals suffering from depression or having suicidal thoughts are great at hiding their feelings. It’s just easier for them to say, “I’m OK”.

You don’t always have to have an answer, just listening is the most important help you can give.

The Silent Cry

Does Your Child Have a Fear of Silence? It could be Sedatephobia!

“Silence”, it is said, ‘speaks a thousand words’. But to some people, silence can be downright scary. There is a term for this phobia: Sedatephobia. People suffering from Sedatephobia cannot withstand silence; they constantly need noise and human interaction.

The word originates from Greek ‘Sedate’ meaning ‘silent or sleeping or dead’ and Phobos meaning the Greek God of fear, or dread or aversion.

Sedatephobia was relatively unheard of 50 years ago. However, today, it is a fairly common phobia. Expert hypnotists and psychotherapists are seeing large numbers of Sedatephobic individuals in their offices and they believe that these numbers will continue to rise in the coming decades.

For Sedatephobic individuals, darkness might not be scary, but the silence and lack of noise can bring on a full blown panic attack. This constant neediness can be very harmful to the individual.

Symptoms of fear of silence

Excessive noise can be debilitating and can bring on headaches. However, it is silence that can cause various symptoms in a Sedatephobe. Power cuts can be especially trying to such people, since they are left without technology, noise, music or movies around to comfort them.

When left in silence, the phobic might have a full blown panic attack which may be characterized by following symptoms:

  • Shivering, shaking, trembling
  • Having dry mouth and sweaty palms
  • Inability to speak or express themselves: feeling detached from reality and having thoughts of death or dying
  • Feeling numb, feeling like crying or fleeing
  • Experiencing rapid heartbeat, nausea, gastrointestinal distress etc

Sometimes, a person with Sedatephobia can also feel afraid in a group when people stop talking or there is a lull in the conversation.

Exam times can be especially hard for these individuals. Spending time in a library or even trying to sleep alone can be a scary time for the sufferers of fear of silence phobia.

Causes of Sedatephobia

Like all other specific phobias, the fear of silence is usually caused by a traumatic or negative episode in the phobic’s life. Some phobics, for example might have been locked up or abused by an adult,(some having been kept in basements or closets for punishment where no outside sound reaches them).

The feelings the child has experienced then can get permanently etched on his/her mind. News of a loved one’s death or other traumatic/negative episode associated with silence can also bring on this phobia.

Many experts believe that technology has also given rise to the constant need for sounds around humans.

For some people, it is impossible to meditate or sit in a quiet room for even a few minutes as they always need their phone, music, TV, or the noise of traffic around them.

To be left in silence can mean being “hunted down by supernatural beings or things that go bump into the night”. It also brings the fear of the unknown.

Most sufferers of Sedatephobia also tend to have inherent anxieties. They may inherently have monophobia (the fear of being left alone). The fear of ghosts is also associated with this phobia.

Other causes of the fear of silence phobia include adrenal insufficiencies, depression, hormonal imbalances, and delusional paranoia.

Treating and overcoming the phobia

Family members can play an important role in helping an individual overcome his/her fear of silence.

Talking about the fear to a loved one (or in group therapy) can provide relief to some extent. Else it is best to seek professional help from a professional Therapist or Psychiatrist.

Today, many modern therapies like CBT (or cognitive behavior therapy), NLP or neurolinguistics programming and systematic desensitization therapies are known to help reduce anxiety experienced by Sedatephobia.

All these treatments can help one get to the root of the fear of silence phobia and help the sufferer overcome it once and for all.

Source and original article by: Jacob Olesen. https://www.fearof.net/fear-of-silence-phobia-sedatephobia/

Male Sex Abuse Survivors Delay Disclosure For Twenty Years On Average

At least 1 in 6 men and boys have been sexually abused or assaulted.

Talking about any type of abuse takes a lot of strength. Today, female victims of sexual assault and abuse may be more comfortable speaking publicly about their experiences and because of that, we’re having the conversation more often. But is it the same for male survivors?

Being a male survivor of child sex abuse is still very taboo and greatly under-reported.

According to 1in6.org and the Center for Disease Control, At least 1 in 6 men and boys have been sexually abused or assaulted.

I’m embarrassed to say that the assault of men and boys, honestly wasn’t on my radar as much as the abuse of girls. Now, I’m laser-focused on prevention so that parents (especially single-moms) aren’t blind-sided.

Four practical ways to help protect your child from pedophiles:

#1 – Have the conversation more than once

Sexual abuse may be an uncomfortable subject for many parents but its literally a matter of life or death. Just because you had ‘the talk’ with your son when he was eight, don’t assume he’d be completely comfortable telling you right away if something happened.

For males, the shame can be unbearable and not worth being judged or not believed.

Keep talking about it! Use various resources if you have to, educational videos and books are still a thing.

The purpose of having the conversation several times, is to make it a familiar, common subject in your household. If something ever happened, your son will know that it’s not his fault, which will help him get past the shame and disclose an incident sooner than later.

#2 – Beware of misconceptions

I was always concerned that while teaching my children to respect their elders, they might perceive that rule as; never question an authority figure or adults are always right. Which we all know is definitely not true!

Psychologists say, the abuser/predator is usually someone close to the family. Help your child understand that not all adults mean them well.

Male survivor.

#3 – Don’t ignore red-flags

It can be easy to miss typical warning signs because depressed individuals are great at hiding their feelings.

Parents, if you have a fleeting thought or inkling that something could be wrong… GO WITH THAT. Get nosey, don’t wait until something happens to comb through your child’s phone and tablet.

It may be helpful to teach your child (of any age), that whenever a person says, “don’t tell anyone“; they’re either about to do something wrong or have already done something wrong.

When it comes to our children, it’s better safe than sorry. No one gets an automatic “trust badge” just because they’re in a noble profession.

Male survivor.

Remember, no one is a pedophile until they’re caught and convicted.

#4 – Never judge a book by its cover

Don’t be caught off guard! Just because someone has a noble title such as; Bishop, Doctor or Police Officer doesn’t automatically make them trustworthy. We would like to think-so, but we don’t live in a perfect world.There are good and bad people in every city, country, religion, ethnicity, and so-on.

Let’s forget credentials, forget the squeaky clean background check, forget that he was once voted mentor-of-the-year, never mind that he’s a former NFL player and now coaches your son.

I’m not saying you should be paranoid, but realistically, things can happen when we least expect it.

Here’s a quick reminder of a few abuse cases that made headline news:

  • Mary Kay Letourneau – former schoolteacher, two counts of felony second-degree rape.
  • Jerry Sandusky – former college football coach, Penn State, convicted of rape and child sexual abuse.
  • R. Kelly – R&B Singer, as of July 2019 singer is facing charges of multiple counts of child pornography, criminal assault, conspiracy to obstruct justice, child sex trafficking and rape of a minor.
  • Larry Nasser – former USA Gymnastics national team doctor and physician at Michigan State University. Convicted serial child molester.

Sexual Abuse & Assault of Boys & Men | Confidential Support for Men

FACT: At least 1 in 6 men have experienced sexual abuse or assault, according to leading research. Read about the statistic, find helpful information, chat with a trained advocate through the 24/7 national helpline, join a weekly online support group, view male survivors’ stories, etc. You’re not alone. Visit: https://1in6.org/

Male survivor.