They buried their abuse for decades. Must-see interview gives greater insight into how young boys respond to sexual abuse.
Former Little Leaguers, James Manfredonia, Bruce Morrison and Timothy Morey had spent nearly half a century hiding a secret. Now, thanks to a newly passed law in New York State, they have filed lawsuits against their former Little League coach Tony Sagona, who they claim had sexually abused them.
Source: NBCnews.com. https://www.nbcnews.com/video/he-was-bothered-by-the-sandusky-story-for-years-a-new-law-allowed-him-to-speak-out-and-seek-justice-73431109653
The body remembers what the conscious mind chooses to forget.
This article isn’t meant to make anyone paranoid. But recognizing the signs of abuse may help you heal and/or provide support to someone close to you.
Wouldn’t I remember it if I was abused?
Child-victims of sexual abuse often do not remember the experience. In fact having no memory of certain parts of your childhood is often an indicator trauma of some form took place.
The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) estimates that in the UK, almost one in four children (24.1%) experience sexual abuse. It’s a terrifying statistic, made more sobering considering that being sexually abused as a child can cause lifelong negative repercussions if victims do not find the support they need to heal.
What is sexual abuse?
It’s important to understand what qualifies as sexual abuse before dismissing an experience you might have had.
Sexual abuse does not have to be between a child and a ‘grownup’. It can, for example, be an older sibling who abuses you. Or it might have been a child of a similar age forcing you to do things against your will.
It is now recognized that sexual abuse does not even have to involve physicality to be extraordinarily damaging to a child and the future adult they will become.
Sexual abuse can can be any situation where a child is exploited for the sexual pleasure of another. Non-contact or ‘covert’ sexual abuse, can be things like an adult who constantly exposed their body to you, forced you to expose your body, showed you pornography, or an adult who constantly talked about sexual things to you.
Non-contact sexual abuse can be something like a child whose father always talks about her body being too sexual when she is going through puberty, or whose mother strips her and makes her stand naked in her room for hours as ‘punishment’ for ‘being bad’, can both result in the same symptoms of other forms of sexual abuse.
Psychoanalytical psychotherapy came up with the still popular idea that when things are too traumatic for the conscious brain they are delegated to the hidden ‘unconscious’ mind. Nowadays we understand the brain is not composed of clearly marked ‘closets’, and that trauma affects the brain in far more complicated ways.
Sexual abuse can cause many issues, not just in your behaviors, but in your relationships, your sex life, the way you treat yourself, personal identity, low self-esteem, stress management, it might be harder to reach goals or move forward in life. It can also cause long-term symptoms of trauma, similar to or including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Have I been sexually abused? Knowing the signs.
Healthy relationships tend to be very challenging if you experienced sexual abuse as a child.
Do you experience some of the following?
Trust issues
Sexual abuse as a child can also really affect the way you approach sex.
Do you recognize yourself in the following?
You might also constantly attract relationships which ‘re-enact’ abuse. This can look like:
Being sexually abused as a child or adolescent can lead to physical symptoms as well, or issues with your body. These can include:
The trauma of sexual abuse leads to many other psychological issues. Do you feel you might also suffer from some of the following?
And finally, sexual abuse is linked to the manifestation of certain personality disorders, in particular borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder.
Now I’m worried this might be me – what do I do?
The symptoms above are comprehensive, and many are also symptoms and signs of various other psychological issues. So the first thing to do is not to panic.
Unearthing previous trauma can lead to falling into a ‘vortex’ of research and worry. You can spend days or weeks in front of the computer or on forums and lose sight of the rest of your life. Try to stay balanced and practice good self-care until you can find support.
If you suspect you were sexually abused as a child, you might find yourself suddenly experiencing large waves of anger and fury. It is highly advised you don’t react by immediately contacting and accusing all the people who might have abused you.
You will be doing this from a vulnerable place, and can put yourself at risk of attack, psychological manipulation, and emotional abuse. You might even in the process alienate yourself from other family and friends whose support you count on.
Again, seek professional support first. A qualified mental health professional will help you process the experience and reach a more stable place. Then you will be better prepared to decide if, how, and when you will approach those involved.
Click here for a list of resources.
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Source: Original, unedited article by Wade Harris. https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/were-you-sexually-abused-as-a-child.html. Accessed October 7, 2019.
Surprisingly, psychological, also known as ‘emotional abuse’ of a child can have more long-lasting negative psychiatric effects than either childhood physical abuse or childhood sexual abuse.
Psychological abuse of a child is a pattern of intentional verbal or behavioral actions or lack of actions that convey to a child the message that he or she is worthless, flawed, unloved, unwanted, endangered, or only of value to meet someone else’s needs.
Withholding emotional support, isolation, or terrorizing a child are forms of psychological abuse. Domestic violence that is witnessed by a child is also considered a form of psychological abuse.
Psychological abuse of a child is often divided into nine categories:
1. Rejection: to reject a child, to push him away, to make him feel that he is useless or worthless, to undermine the value of his ideas or feelings, to refuse to help him.
2. Scorn: to demean the child, to ridicule him, to humiliate him, to cause him to be ashamed, to criticize the child, to insult him.
3. Terrorism: to threaten a child or someone who is dear to him with physical violence, abandonment or death, to threaten to destroy the child’s possessions, to place him in chaotic or dangerous situations, to define strict and unreasonable expectations and to threaten him with punishment if he does not comply.
4. Isolation: to physically or socially isolate a child, to limit his opportunities to socialize with others.
5. Corruption or exploitation: to tolerate or encourage inappropriate or deviant behavior, to expose the child to antisocial role-models, to consider the child as a servant, to encourage him or coerce him to participate in sexual activities.
6. The absence of emotional response: to show oneself as inattentive or indifferent towards the child, to ignore his emotional needs, to avoid visual contact, kisses or verbal communication with him, to never congratulate him.
Neglect: to ignore the health or educational needs of the child, to refuse or to neglect to apply the required treatment. (See: What is Child Neglect?)
7. Exposure to domestic violence: to expose a child to violent words and acts between his parents.
The behavior of an emotionally abusive parent or caregiver does not support a child’s healthy development and well-being-instead, it creates an environment of fear, hostility, or anxiety. A child is sensitive to the feeling, opinions, and actions of his or her parents.
This behavior often includes rejecting the child by:
Emotionally abusive parents say things or convey feelings that can hurt a child deeply. Common examples include:
Symptoms of psychological abuse of a child may include:
Psychological abuse of a child can have long-lasting negative psychiatric effects. Learn about the types and symptoms of psychological abuse.
https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/responding/reporting/how/
APA Reference
Gluck, S. (2011, November 23). What is Psychological Abuse of a Child?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, September 27 from https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/child-psychological-abuse/what-is-psychological-abuse-of-a-child
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