Male survivors have a much higher risk of depression and PTSD, alcohol and drug abuse, and suicide than other men. More and more males are finding support through group therapy and online resources.
When Sam was 12 years old, he was targeted by a child molester. Sam (whose name, like all survivors in this story, has been changed at his request) asked a neighbor for assistance on a school project. While he worked, the man surprised him by touching him inappropriately. The abuse continued for another five years and included violent rape and other crimes.
As is the case with so many child sexual abuse cases, the man manipulated and terrified Sam with threats of what would happen if he told anybody. Sam kept quiet, but the abuse affected him profoundly. His grades slipped and he became withdrawn and depressed. Teachers noticed that he was struggling, but never thought to inquire as to why his behavior had gone from upbeat and enthusiastic to depressed and disengaged. In one class, Sam forgot an an assignment, and the teacher gave him two weeks of detention. Continue reading…
If you’re a man who has experienced sexual abuse or assault, you’re not alone. We’re here to support you in your path to a happier, healthier future.
Why do we keep teaching our children about “stranger danger” when 90% of sexually abused children are exploited by someone in the immediate or extended family, or by someone close to the family?
How do child molesters gain access to their victims?
While some sexual abuse is purely opportunistic, most children are groomed and lured into situations where they are vulnerable to abuse.
Contrary to common “Stranger Danger” warnings, child molesters are rarely strangers; at least 90% of sexually abused children are exploited by someone in the child’s immediate or extended family, or by someone close to the family.
Common grooming strategies include:
1. Befriending parents, particularly single parents, to gain access to their children.
Ninety percent (90%) of sexually abused children are victimized by a parent, close family member or family friend, so there’s no need to “befriend” the parent(s), they’re already in your inner-circle.
2. Offering babysitting services to busy parents or guardians.
3. Taking jobs and participating in community events that involve children.
4. Becoming a guardian or foster parent.
5. Attending sporting events for children.
6. Offering to coach children’s sports.
7. Volunteering in youth organizations.
8. Offering to chaperone overnight trips.
9. Loitering in places children frequent – playgrounds, parks, malls, game arcades, sports fields, etc.
10. Befriending youngsters on social media (Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, etc.) and online gaming platforms.
When and where do most sexual assaults usually happen?
Most child sexual abuse occurs in the home of the victim, the home of the offender, or another residence.**
Eighty-one (81%) of all child sexual abuse occurs in one-on-one situations: one-offender/one-child.
Wherever youth are physically or virtually alone with someone is a potential place where they can be subjected to sexual misconduct or abuse.
With incidents involving juvenile offenders, 1 in 7 sexual assaults occurs on schooldays between 3pm-7pm, with a peak from 3-4pm, right after school. This speaks to the importance of safe after-school care and close supervision of multi-age groups of youngsters.
How do child molesters target their victims?
Early grooming efforts by sexual predators seek to determine if the child has a stable home life, or if the family is facing challenges like poverty, divorce, illness, drugs, homelessness, etc.
Children lacking stability at home are at higher risk for sexual abuse, as there is usually more access to the child and opportunities to abuse the child.
Child molesters will also target kids who are loners, or who look troubled or neglected. Youngsters who smoke, vape or use drugs and alcohol are seen as risk-seekers lacking adequate supervision, and therefore easy targets.
Single moms are often targeted, as they are more likely to be overwhelmed by parenting duties and vulnerable to offers to babysit and/or drive kids to school, practices, lessons and other activities.
Final Thoughts:
Child molesters are family members, relatives, neighbors, coaches, teachers, preachers, friends and our children’s peers. Knowing this – and knowing that adults cannot be with children every moment of every day – it is essential to talk openly with children about personal boundaries and personal safety.
Teach children, age-appropriately, how to recognize and evade the lures used for generations by sexual predators of every kind.
Thankfully, both children and adults are beginning to more readily report sexual abuse and harassment, saying boldly and loudly that these crimes are no longer acceptable.
Provides 24/7 assistance in 170 languages to adults, children and youth with information and questions regarding child abuse. All calls are anonymous and confidential.
Surprisingly, psychological, also known as ‘emotional abuse’ of a child can have more long-lasting negative psychiatric effects than either childhood physical abuse or childhood sexual abuse.
Definition of Child Psychological Abuse
Psychological abuse of a child is a pattern of intentional verbal or behavioral actions or lack of actions that convey to a child the message that he or she is worthless, flawed, unloved, unwanted, endangered, or only of value to meet someone else’s needs.
Withholding emotional support, isolation, or terrorizing a child are forms of psychological abuse. Domestic violencethat is witnessed by a child is also considered a form of psychological abuse.
Types of Child Psychological Abuse
Psychological abuse of a child is often divided into nine categories:
1. Rejection: to reject a child, to push him away, to make him feel that he is useless or worthless, to undermine the value of his ideas or feelings, to refuse to help him.
2. Scorn: to demean the child, to ridicule him, to humiliate him, to cause him to be ashamed, to criticize the child, to insult him.
3. Terrorism: to threaten a child or someone who is dear to him with physical violence, abandonment or death, to threaten to destroy the child’s possessions, to place him in chaotic or dangerous situations, to define strict and unreasonable expectations and to threaten him with punishment if he does not comply.
4. Isolation: to physically or socially isolate a child, to limit his opportunities to socialize with others.
5. Corruption or exploitation: to tolerate or encourage inappropriate or deviant behavior, to expose the child to antisocial role-models, to consider the child as a servant, to encourage him or coerce him to participate in sexual activities.
6. The absence of emotional response: to show oneself as inattentive or indifferent towards the child, to ignore his emotional needs, to avoid visual contact, kisses or verbal communication with him, to never congratulate him.
Neglect: to ignore the health or educational needs of the child, to refuse or to neglect to apply the required treatment. (See:What is Child Neglect?)
7. Exposure to domestic violence: to expose a child to violent words and acts between his parents.
The behavior of an emotionally abusive parent or caregiver does not support a child’s healthy development and well-being-instead, it creates an environment of fear, hostility, or anxiety. A child is sensitive to the feeling, opinions, and actions of his or her parents.
8. Showing a lack of regard for the child
This behavior often includes rejecting the child by:
Not showing affection.
Ignoring the child’s presence and obvious needs.
Ignoring the child when he or she is in need of comfort.
Not calling the child by his or her name.
9. Saying unkind things to the child
Emotionally abusive parents say things or convey feelings that can hurt a child deeply. Common examples include:
Making the child feel unwanted, perhaps by stating or implying that life would be easier without the child. For example, a parent may tell a child, “I wish you were never born.”
Ridiculing or belittling the child, such as saying, “You are stupid.”
Threatening the child with harsh punishment or even death.
Each state has laws that prevent a child sex offender from being prosecuted.
When a crime is committed, there is a window of time that a state has to charge the perpetrator. The laws that determine this time frame are called criminal statutes of limitations.
As high-profile cases of sexual violence continue to make headlines—and as survivors seek to report crimes—it can help to have a better understanding of these laws and how they vary.
The Youth Advocate 